Though I already journey with God more than 40 years (my goodness, this sounds so old), there are days I am very fearful and scared. There are days, I face my own inadequacies big time and my self-esteem hits the floor.

I am getting better at letting God do his job and me trusting him, but it is a constant struggle. Sometimes it absorbs my energy more than I want it and am happy to admit.

One of my driving factors is just being faithful to God and what he has entrusted to me. The parable of the talents (Matthew 25) is something I have pondered on all these past years and decades. Will God find me faithful with what he has given to me? No matter how small or big it might me, I simply want to be faithful and steward the talents well, out of love and obedience to God my Father.

I am challenged by the words of Apostle Paul to the church in Corinth:

“So now, beloved ones, stand firm, stable, and enduring. Live your lives with an unshakable confidence. We know that we prosper and excel in every season by serving the Lord,because we are assured that our union with the Lord makes our labor productive with fruit that endures.” 1 Cor 15:58 (TPT)

This has led me in my twenties to make a commitment to myself and God that I would only go through doors God has opened for me. This is not a fatalistic kind of attitude but one where I always want to be prepared so as to be able to go through open doors. I will pray and prepare but wait upon God to open or close them. Sometimes I would test the waters and see, but it has meant to wait upon God, occasionally to plead with him but also resting assured, the time will come for whatever I should do. It has also helped me more to seek his Kingdom than mine, even when I sometimes was overlooked, ignored or put aside.

This meant I won´t put myself forward and say “take me, I am the best”, apply for positions out of my own desire or even propose I should be the next one writing an article or a book or speak at a conference.

My commitment to God is to do whatever he asks off me and it could simply mean spending time with one person, serving someone in need but also it could mean teaching somewhere where I am really facing my fear of men and the crowd could be thousands or simply one.

From time to time, this has been really tough and contained long waiting periods for some dreams and wishes. However, it has so often helped me when I felt really insecure and inadequate. It has anchored me and helped me to see how God leads. I am sure this might just be my own story but it has helped me to step up and say yes because I felt God has given me the chance or the opportunity.

If it would simply be me, I would too often like to chicken out and mention some more adequate speakers, hide behind other people and their giftings, which often seem far bigger than mine do. One of my life mottos is “never say no because of fear” and this has hugely helped me to step out.

If God has entrusted to me a speaking engagement, a moderation, serving someone in need, writing an article or even now a book, I know it is from him. This helps me to know I am only asked to steward this well, be faithful and give my best. It also helps me to know that my best given to God is simply enough.

Every so often, it has been bumpy but has also been the greatest adventure. I often pinch myself that God has entrusted certain things to me, which I think, are far too big, too impactful, too influential, too risky… and I get to do these things. What an honour, what a grace, what a loving God.

May you find your sweet spot with God relying on him to use you for his glory. And may you find doors opening for you which you had never imagined.